Mea culpa !
I am sorry,
My ghost -reader, dear readers ghost I miss you too .
You are more invisible because of the rarity of my writings but I do not forget you . I am trying to finish my exams at the Faculty of Economics and Management Sciences UCAD ( Universté Cheikh Anta Diop of Dakar) . As you probably saw in my bio . I’m license 3 . I rarely go to college . I had what I now call a moment of madness last year. I hated my life. I wanted to end my life. it started me in April 2013. Gradually seemed to me my life sucks , sucks mega- was the same thing every day . When I woke up the morning to go to college the first thing that came to mind was: « I hate this fucking life I hate . » . I rose later and later . So I had over 8 hours on Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. I had the taste of life was disappearing day by day . At the end I was planning my suicide , I no longer prayed , I slept all the time.
I was totally in turmoil . I was anxious. Depression.
My life did not seem to follow the path I wanted. My relationship with my family was not too stable . And as my mother is gone. The vacuum was too heavy. My father listened to me , he did not approve of (and do not always agree with ) my choices : my first boyfriend , my life in Dakar I had left the house of my cousin to join my namesake. (the half- sister of my father, who bears the same name as me). I do not want to suffer with my cousin . It pained me that even when I was a child . Adult and mother become , it has not changed their character and behavior. I was home the first year, the second year I was staying at the University . But the third year as I had no room in the city of girl ( Cité Aline Sitoé Diatta UCAD ex Claudel ) my father asked me to return to my cousin Z. I say niet . That’s how I arranged with my namesake. Despite the anger of being that I cherish most in the world . The only one who should understand me when everything turns against me. My father . I have left him now that Mom is gone. He took a position that will continue to hurt. Now looking back I can say that it is this problem that started it all . In addition to the anxiety I had for my license last year. I freaking just thinking what could redoubled . Every day every moment I was tormented .
I kept everything to me. I did not say anything to anyone even my fiance . I made every mast , my friends, my education , my family , my sketches of clothes, I stopped everything.
In August I plaquais all to go home it was during the Feast of Korité . Back to the house of my father. For as the proverb says : » . When we know where we are going back to where we come from » So I went home full school year (we have not yet finished the year 2012/2013 due to multiple strikes by students and teachers ) .
I stayed out there until November . all this time I was only sleeping, reading or watching TV, I never went out of my house. I rarely lit it my two phones. So I was unreachable. Even my boyfriend could no longer reach me. He finally cracked , he did not understand me. He was angry . This prompted me to explain what was happening to me .
Gradually I » woke up » . Gradually the taste , that of life returned .
And here .